Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Happening

So what is this one about?
Its about an hour and a half too long. Har Har. I jest, no really.

Netflix says, In this thriller from director M. Night Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense, Signs), an environmental crisis emerges that threatens to wipe out all of mankind. When people begin dying, Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) and his estranged wife, Alma (Zooey Deschanel), try to escape the unstoppable destroyer. As chaos spreads across the entire planet, Elliot and Alma struggle to figure out what is happening. John Leguizamo co-stars as Elliot's friend Julian.

I say, John Leguizamo?! I loved him in Land of the Dead!

And how much did I pay to watch?
Welp, Jack and I went to this one together. It cost 15.50. I put in $6 and he put in $10. So, I guess this cost me $5.50.

And what did I think?
I think M. Night Shyamalan is one tricky bastard. Oh M. show me people falling off buildings, a girl who is about to jam a metal chopstick into her jugular, and people standing deadly still in Central Park as if they are zombies. You knew just what to do to make me go see your ridiculous movie on opening day.

Well, this is what I think of that. SPOILER ALERT! the trees were killing people. Thats the crisis. Yes, the trees have come to seek vengance on us for using so much paper. That is his environmental crisis.

And here is what I think of the writing. THUMBS DOWN. Christ, there were times I was laughing in the theatre. Add to the horribly ridiculous writing the atrocious acting. Bless Mark Whalberg, bless him. He tried to hard to deliver his ridiculous lines in a serious way that wasn't too serious but was still serious enough. John Leguizamo was good, but like i said, I mean, Land of the Dead, Moulin Rouge, what is there not to like? But Zooey, oh Zooey. She was the most atrocious, most spacey, most ridiculous actress in the entire movie. She was horrible. From practically the second she stepped on screen I wanted the trees to kill her. I didn't even care if it was a tree, it could have been a bus, or a bullet, or an angry gnome, I didn't care. She should have just gone away.

Oh, and one more thing M. Night... I heard you on NPR. You have no accent, and if that isn't a bit of a mind fuck, I dont know what is.

So what is the rating? (out of 10)
Here's the thing. I had a hard time figuring out if the movie was supposed to be ridiculous--like M. Night was playing a trick on everyone--or if it was just ridiculous because it was so bad.

There was nothing redeeming about this one except the confusion I suffered the entire time while I was trying to figure out if this was some sort of sick joke.

I give it a 2.

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