Sunday, February 28, 2010

F*#k You Sidney Crosby!!

*I apologize in advance for all the cursing. I especially apologize if you are Canadian and reading this, because it must suck being Canadian.

So what is this one about?

my hate for Sidney Crosby

And how much did I pay to watch?
Nothing, thankfully. But I did waste a metric fuckton* of time on Olympic Men's hockey in the hope that Canada would not win the gold.

And what did I think?
If you know me in real life you will know that I have hated the Olympics since High School. One of my classic lines was "The Olympics are gay." Rachel then asked me, "Oh really, Julia? Are they gay? Do they love other Olympics?" at which point I said, "yes"

I think they are a colossal waste of time and money. Back in ancient times the Olympics were supposed to stop people from fighting. Ooh, sports! Lets take a break from our wars and conflict and do the whole sportsmanship thing.

But in the modern age, what is the point? Additionally, I've got an awesome idea. Lets give the Olympics to shitty fucking places like Beijing and Rio--places that are so colossally underdeveloped and could use $20billion (or however much it costs to stage the olympics) towards, you know, its citizenry. Heaven forbid. HEAVEN FORBID!

But, because of my renewed love of hockey (GO WASHINGTON CAPITALS!!!!), my love for Sergei Fedorov, and my desire to see Canada lose the gold medal (because they said it would be a national embarassment if they lost) I got real into the Olympics this year. The Russian roster was unstopable. The Swedes are powerhouses. And even Team USA has the best goalie, like, ever!

So I bought into the stupid competition--at least as far as Men's Hockey was concerned. I watched the opening ceremony and enjoyed it. I liked seeing Wayne Gretzky and the silly Canadians be into being Canadian. And, as someone who went to grad school in Canada, you rarely see things like that...Canadians are pretty calm.

Then one by one, the teams I liked were eliminated. My Russians (with Capitals Ovechkin, Varlamov, and Semin and former Capitals Fedorov and Gonchar and Kozlov) lost to the Slovaks (WHAT?) (with former Capital Milan Jurcina) but it was ok. Team USA was crushing and ended up at the top. They beat the Canucks last weekend while I was tapping my toes to a live Sweeney Todd show. I was so floored that they lost. I really got on the Team USA train. (I was slow to join because I thought they wouldn't pose much of a threat to Canada. My only hope for these 2010 games was that Canada would not win the gold. I thought team USA's only hope was Ryan Miller--and I don't blame him, not at all. He is wonderful. And the Capitals have to play Buffalo on Wednesday as their first game back. Ugh) Then my Russians lost horribly. But it was ok because Sweden (with Capital Niklas Backstrom, swoon) was still around. Then Sweden lost, the SLOVAKS!

The Slovaks almost beat Canada on Friday. Almost. Poor Jurcina and Halak were so sad. And I was too. Because if Canada went up against Team USA there was a chance Canada would win the gold. And if you've been following, that was what I didn't want more than anything.

But that life ruiner Sidney Crosby had to go and ruin that. Even after Zack Parise scored a goal that took USA into overtime. Fuck Cindy Cosby. I hate that guy.

Why? Because he is that girl in high school who got whatever she wanted. He is Casey Kemp. "Wah, I fell asleep driving because I had been cheerleading to much and I love god and all the boys love me." Nothing bad ever happens to him. He already won the fucking Stanley Cup (hah, look at that link. What a fag.) Now he gets to be a Canadian Hero. Going down in the annals of history with all those other Canadian heroes, like... um, uh. Well, are there Canadian heroes?! Nah.

And while we're on the subject of Canada. Why do they have thanksgiving? What do they have to be thankful for? And on a Monday?? You don't even get a four day weekend. What the shit is that?!?!?!!

So what is the rating? (out of 10)
The rating is a 0. I am back to not watching the Olympics. Ever. And my hatred of Cindy continues.

I am even thinking of buying this.

(I am glad to have my life back though. And now that the month of February is over I can resume shopping. Some J.Crew will make me feel better. But also, I don't really care. Because it is sports. And in 9 days the Julia and Lori Birthday Extravaganza 2010 begins. Thank Jesus up in Heaven!!)

Oh, and this too ;)

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Chapter 27

So what is this one about?
Netflix's description says,
An overweight Jared Leto stars as Mark David Chapman -- the young assassin who infamously killed John Lennon on the front steps of The Dakota -- in this independent drama from fledgling filmmaker Jarrett Schaeffer. Lindsay Lohan (who in real life is a friend of Lennon's son, Sean) co-stars as a Lennon fan appropriately named Jude, who meets Chapman a few days before the murder without realizing what lies ahead.
And how much did I pay to watch?
WAY more than it was worth. (Netflix'ed)

And what did I think?
Jesus. Why does this movie even exist? Honestly. The Netflix description is the most exciting thing about this movie.

Thinking back over the movie I don't even know what to say. I rented it because I wanted to see fat, fat, fat, fat Jared Leto. Apparently, he gained so much weight for this movie so quickly that he had a hard time walking. I thought to myself, "why would someone want to do that? wont' he get a lot of stretch marks?" This is where my brain was.

Ok, I also rented it because I like Lindsay Lohan. This was one of the movies that she was in that flew way under the radar.

Maybe it was because I don't really care much about The Beatles--I was raised as a hard core Rolling Stones gal--or John Lennon, or the fact that he was murdered (what is the difference between murdered and assassinated? Was Lennon actually assassinated?). And I certainly don't care about Mark David Chapman's pysche and his reason for killing John Lennon.

Seriously, why did I even think to rent this!? It was slow, and tedious, and weird. At least Jared Leto did some quality acting. It was the single thing that kept me from turning this off immediately.

So what is the rating? (out of 10)
I don't care. This movie was no good. 2.

Paranormal Activity

Movie poster says: "Paranormal Activity is one of the scariest movies of all time. You will be affected as it's hard to ignore the imprint it leaves on your psyche. Nightmares are guaranteed"
Julia says: disagree.

So what is this one about?
The 'flix tells us,
When Katie (Katie Featherston) and Micah (Micah Sloat) fear their San Diego, Calif., home may be haunted by a demonic presence, Micah sets up a video camera to document all the jaw-dropping, hair-raising action over a series of several nights in fall 2006. The paranormal occurrences increase in frequency and significance, leaving Katie more and more distraught -- and determined to put an end to the terror.
oooooooooh. Scary! (Don't you like that the actors used their own names? I really like it when that happens.)

And how much did I pay to watch?
Eh, some amount. I got this bad boy on Netflix. In fact, I got this to watch on New Year's Eve. (Isn't it impressive it has taken me so long to update this?! So much for that resolution of only having two movies in the Coming Soon section at one time.) We went to Ruby Tuesday--the epitome of class and sophistication--then fell asleep while watching Jersey Shore. I actually had to watch this on New Year's Day...before the NHL Winter Classic.

And what did I think?
So, what did I think. Well, one of the reasons we didn't watch this movie at Mel's house on NYE was that she is scared of horror movies. But really, she had nothing to really be that scared of.

Despite the commercials that you have likely seen (and that I see all the time on FIOS) that are filmed in night vision watching an audience watch Paranormal Activity and they are all TERRIFIED, I was not. It really wasn't that scary.

On the one hand, I think I wasn't willing suspension of disbelief enough. I wasn't into it enough to buy into the whole premise. Yes, when I think about it, if I watched video of creepy shit happening to me while I was asleep it would freak me out. For some reason though, I just didn't find myself getting very scared.

The ending was good though. Shocking, I suppose. I also enjoyed watching the alternate ending.

Paranormal Activity is not that scary of a horror movie, despite what they all say. If you watch to watch a scary movie in the similar vein, watch [REC]. Now that is some scary shit.

Paranormal Activity gets a 5.
So what is the rating? (out of 10)

Jungfrukällan (The Virgin Spring)

So what is this one about?
Netflix tells us,
On the way to deliver candles to a church, the virginal daughter (Birgitta Pettersson) of feudal landowner Töre (Max von Sydow) is savagely raped and murdered. But fate takes a vengeful hand when the killers unknowingly seek food and shelter at the girl's home. Will the grief-stricken Töre learn the truth about his visitors? Set in medieval Sweden, this disturbing tale directed by Ingmar Bergman earned an Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film.
However. I didn't read the netflix description before I received this disc in the mail. So I didn't have the plot ruined for me by the description.

And how much did I pay to watch?
Eh, some amount. Obviously, as stated above, I got this bad boy from the 'flix.

And what did I think?
Well, I love Ingmar Bergman. Love, love, love, love, love. If you have never seen an Ingmar Bergman film you simply must. I recommend The Seventh Seal. He is so wonderful! And the fact that Max von Sydow is in practically as his movies really does it for me too. (Holy smokes that guy is sure something! And he is acting all over the place still! The Tudors! Even Shutter Island!)

The disc that I received was the Criterion Collection version with an Introduction by Ang Lee. Foolishly, I watched the introduction and gd Ang Lee told me what happened in the movie!! Now, as I said, I hadn't read the netflix description before I watched the disc, so I forgot what the plot was. (Did you know, the plot of The Virgin Spring was the plot of The Last House on the Left? Oh Wes Anderson, Ingmar Bergman you are not)

Now, I didn't really care for this one. I was slow like The Seventh Seal but not nearly as pretty. It still had that theme of Christianity that Bergman seems to enjoy but, ya know, it just didn't do it for me. The woman who played Ingeri was gorgeous, but the woman who played Karin--or, I guess the character of Karin--was so annoying that I didn't really care that she died.

Oh well. Additionally, this took me like 5 months to watch, so I would recommend another Bergman movie before this one.

So what is the rating? (out of 10)
I like Bergman. He is great. The Virgin Spring, not as much.


Friday, February 26, 2010

It's Complicated

So what is this one about?
Wellllllllll, Netlfix tells us,
Ten years after their divorce, Jane (Meryl Streep) and Jake (Alec Baldwin) enjoy an amicable friendship. When the two unite for their son's college graduation, their romance is rekindled. But Jake is married, and Jane's architect, Adam (Steve Martin), has a thing for her. Now cheating on the younger woman for whom he left Jane, Jake wants his ex-wife back. But Jane's busy getting to know Adam. Nancy Meyers (Something's Gotta Give) wrote and directed this Golden Globe-nominated comedy.
Ok. So far, so good.

And how much did I pay to watch?
Actually, I paid nothing. Why? Well, Erik and I went to go see it at the Georgetown AMC, and this old guy in line asked what movie we were going to see. We said "It's Complicated" and he said, "if you wait a minute, I am waiting for my friend, and if he doesn't show you could just buy my ticket from me." We were like, "nah, that's ok". So right as Erik went up to buy his ticket this guy flagged me down and was like "tell him to stop!" His friend hadn't showed up, and since the movie was starting in like 2 minutes he just gave me his ticket. AWESOME!

Now, Erik, like a sucker, still had to pay for his. It's ok Erik!

And what did I think?
Well, I went in seeing a movie like this one knowing it wasn't going to be amazing. For some reason, though, when I saw the commercials I thought it looked really funny.

And it was pretty funny. We laughed quite a bit during this one. Some of the laughs were actually very uncomfortable--there was a lot of naked Alec Baldwin. An uncomfortable amount. That guy is seriously fatter and seriously hairier than one would expect. (Unless you have seen It's Complicated, I suppose.) We were also some of the youngest--if not the youngest--people in the theatre. It was like old folks' city in there!! And watching old Alec Baldwin be naked and having sex and to have him say creepy gross things to Meryl Streep was even creepier when the old folks around us started to laugh. unCOMFORtable!!

As far as something like characterization goes, Baldwin and Krazinski were completely ridiculous. They weren't even real people, they were absolutely absurd caricatures. They were not real people. The only man in the entire movie who wasn't a total freak was Steve Martin. The family in the movie was creepily close and Erik kept leaning over to me saying "I know you are totally that way with your brother" a joke. They were like REALLY close and comfortable with each other in a way that was weird for me to watch.

The plot was pretty predictable, which is about what you would expect in a movie like this. Additionally, it made me hungry because Meryl Streep's character was a chef. Making fresh chocolate croissants. Yummmmmm.

So what is the rating? (out of 10)
Honestly, it was about what I thought it would be. It was funny. I was entertained.

It gets a 5.