Saturday, August 22, 2009

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

So what is this one about?
This one is about the movie version of my favorite Harry Potter book!! I love the sixth book, it was unquestioned my favorite. (The other favorites were 4 and that order. You know, just FYI) So, in case you've been living under a rock or (for shame) haven't read the Harry Potter books (come on, just do it. I read them when I was 25!! It is ok!! Just join in the fun!!) I will provide the 'flix descrip...
The sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry kicks off with a bang for young Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) when he inadvertently discovers a mysterious book that sheds light on the sordid life of the evil Lord Voldemort. Preparing for inevitable battle, Harry and Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) turn to professor Horace Slughorn (Jim Broadbent) for help in pinpointing the weakness in Voldemort's forces.
Ta dah!

And how much did I pay to watch?
You know how my mom pays for a lot of movies I watch? Well, when I went to Toronto I accidentally used my parent's credit card to pay for the luggage fee (question: do you realize how incredibly messed up it is to have to pay luggage fee on an international flight because Toronto is considered "domestic" despite the point that you have to check in at the international flight desk?!)--theirs looks just like mine, so she said I could pay her back by paying for Harry Potter.

I think I paid like $12 or $13. I think I went with the student price for me and the adult price for her.

And what did I think?
What did I think?! I thought that I was horrified at what the horrible, atrocious film maker did to my favorite Harry Potter book!!!!! And it doesn't make any damn sense! The fifth movie was my 2nd fave of the movies (I really liked #1 because it was just so magical and whimsical!) it was so dark and evil and scary and unfair, just like the book. Delores Umbridge was the most annoying, worst person ever. And the whole audience hated her! It was a faithful and amazing adaptation of the 5th book (my 4th fave of the series) and David Yates directed it. Man, when I was watching this one (the 6th one) I thought to myself, "Jesus! What sort of half assed, bullshit, nonsense director has mangled my beloved Half Blood Prince so badly?! I hope this shitwad doesn't doesn't have anything more to do with the Harry Potter franchise!!"

Well, joke's on me! You will imagine my horror when I found out that the director was the same as the 5th! A faithful and authentic version of the book. And you will imagine my immense horror when I saw that David Yates is also directing 7, parts 1 and 2!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Why?! Why?!

So, what was it that I found so offensive in this movie? I will tell you. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (the book) was scary, and slow, and you didn't know what was going to happen (aka) suspenseful, and so sad at the end (SPOILER: Do you know what happens at the end? I don't think I'm actually going to spoiler it, because when I read it I was just so, so sad and shocked!) And I have a very strong emotional association with the book because I was reading it while I was studying abroad in Hungary and then when I was on the train to Ukraine, and back, and on the plane back to the US. And like I said, sitting next to that old couple, with me in the aisle seat, I just couldn't believe the end of the book. I think I even teared up.

But the movie, oh, the movie, was frivolous, and teenager-y and not even serious! The stuff in the book was deadly serious but the movie was just like "oh, teenagers have crushes, and something really big happens at the end but it isn't a big deal because teenagers are emo!" God, it was horrible! And the scene where Harry and Dumbledore go out into the lake wasn't scary at all. Even the book was scary. Man, scary, scary, scary. But the scene in the movie was uninspired.

Even the love stories between Harry and Ginny was uninspired. I mean, who cared?! It didn't even make any sense! And what the hell was that scene in the field outside the burrow?? There were other scary scenes in the book...just. adapt. them!!!

I swear to god. I want to forsake my MA and the entire field I studied to start adapting books into screenplays, because I cannot imagine that it is as hard as everyone seems to think it is. Jesus, the horrible book to movie adaptations (in general) there is just no excuse for them!!

le sigh.

So what is the rating? (out of 10)
You wanna know what redeems this movie? I will tell you. Daniel Radcliffe is hot, hot, hot. And Emma Watson is so glorious, and effortless, and angelic. But Daniel Radcliffe is hot. Ginny is nowhere near hot enough for him. And that storyline wasn't even good!

So what redeems the movie is Daniel Radcliffe. So whereas I want to give this movie 4, because I was appalled by it, I cannot, because it is Harry Potter, and it is Daniel Radcliffe.

So I grudgingly give this a 5.

Alls I gots to say is 7 parts 1 and 2 better be better than this horrific adaptation!!! Work. it. OUT David Yates!!!


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