Friday, July 18, 2008

Rhinoceros Eyes

So what is this one about?
Netflix says,
Chep (Michael Pitt), a bit of a loner, works at a movie prop house and seems satisfied with his monastic existence -- until he falls in love with an obsessive movie production designer named Fran (Paige Turco). Fran's fanatical need for authentic props sends Chep to great (and even questionable) lengths as he tries to satisfy her desire for period props and thus worm his way into her heart … that is, if she has one!

And how much did I pay to watch?
Some special amount, depending on how many movies I watch a month on Netflix. You know how it is...

(Maybe I should just get rid of this section...each time it makes me feel like a cheap whore for Netflix, pimping them out all the time)

And what did I think?
Well, the reason I rented this was because of Michael Pitt. Remember when he played Henry on Dawson's Creek and he was the hot and confident freshman who renewed Jen's faith in men? Man, he was so hot!! I loved that season because of Henry. So when I read the description of this one and saw he was in it I thought to myself, "why the hell not?"

I will tell you why the hell not. Because this movie is nonsense.

First, it is incredibly slow moving. It took me three viewings to finish a movie that is 91 minutes. I kept wondering..."when the hell are you gonna get to the point?!" Well, they got to the point about 60 minutes in. It was very lame.

The plot is manic. Its very slow and drags, and then it escalates and just ends. Its bizarre.

This one reminded me of those annoying kids in high school. You know, the ones who try and be all "unique" and "arty". No one liked those kids. And a movie that acts that way is irritating in the same way. It also had this bizarre Donnie Darko meets The Science of Sleep aspect to it. And being a huge fan of both of those films makes me irritated at a film that tries to take the best parts of those and put it together into a pile of poo.

There was one scene though where the hot and sexy Michael Pitt was doin' it with a lady...and that was nice. Other than that, the movie was bizarre and rather pointless.

Oh yeah, It was also really predictable. I saw the 'twist' coming from a mile away. Miles and miles and miles away.

So what is the rating? (out of 10)
As I'm sure you can tell, I was unimpressed. It may be one of the most unimpressive movies I have ever seen. And for that reason, this one gets a 2. (I save scores of 1 for really atrocious movies.)


UmassSlytherin said...

With all due respect, I give this movie a 10 out of 10. Michael Pitt's performance alone makes it worthy of a freaking 10.

Yes. We all love Henry Parker, blogger. Tell us something we don't know. Henry is the hottest piece of Capeside ass to ever cross the freaking Creek. We are not retarded and this is not news.

That being said, yes, this movie was not a walk in the park. Not the freaking Titanic or freaking Anchorman. But it was a good film. I agree that it is not his best film, but it still, as do all of Michael's other films, makes me ache to watch him in it.

Ache. Ache to the very marrow of my bones.

But good post, glad you caught the film.

Peace, blogger. Peace and love.

this is not a joke said...

I am surprised you liked this one so much because Michael Pitt wears that mask so much. That is one ugly mask.

I think even if you like Michael Pitt you've got to admit that the plot of this movie was lacking. It was very predictable and slow.

I did like the ending with the little robot Chep, but as a movie over all I'm gonna stick with my first opinion.

Thanks for reading!

UmassSlytherin said...

I admit it.
The movie was lacking.
There should have been way more of Michael Pitt having sex. And yes, the mask was creepy.
But I just love watching him be all adhd acting, and I thought it was interesting to see him act with the mask.
I was creeped out by the movie, actually, the part where he's hiding in that lady's closet and stuff.

And you're welcome. Nice blog. Come visit me sometime, K, blogger?