Sunday, February 28, 2010

F*#k You Sidney Crosby!!

*I apologize in advance for all the cursing. I especially apologize if you are Canadian and reading this, because it must suck being Canadian.

So what is this one about?

my hate for Sidney Crosby

And how much did I pay to watch?
Nothing, thankfully. But I did waste a metric fuckton* of time on Olympic Men's hockey in the hope that Canada would not win the gold.

And what did I think?
If you know me in real life you will know that I have hated the Olympics since High School. One of my classic lines was "The Olympics are gay." Rachel then asked me, "Oh really, Julia? Are they gay? Do they love other Olympics?" at which point I said, "yes"

I think they are a colossal waste of time and money. Back in ancient times the Olympics were supposed to stop people from fighting. Ooh, sports! Lets take a break from our wars and conflict and do the whole sportsmanship thing.

But in the modern age, what is the point? Additionally, I've got an awesome idea. Lets give the Olympics to shitty fucking places like Beijing and Rio--places that are so colossally underdeveloped and could use $20billion (or however much it costs to stage the olympics) towards, you know, its citizenry. Heaven forbid. HEAVEN FORBID!

But, because of my renewed love of hockey (GO WASHINGTON CAPITALS!!!!), my love for Sergei Fedorov, and my desire to see Canada lose the gold medal (because they said it would be a national embarassment if they lost) I got real into the Olympics this year. The Russian roster was unstopable. The Swedes are powerhouses. And even Team USA has the best goalie, like, ever!

So I bought into the stupid competition--at least as far as Men's Hockey was concerned. I watched the opening ceremony and enjoyed it. I liked seeing Wayne Gretzky and the silly Canadians be into being Canadian. And, as someone who went to grad school in Canada, you rarely see things like that...Canadians are pretty calm.

Then one by one, the teams I liked were eliminated. My Russians (with Capitals Ovechkin, Varlamov, and Semin and former Capitals Fedorov and Gonchar and Kozlov) lost to the Slovaks (WHAT?) (with former Capital Milan Jurcina) but it was ok. Team USA was crushing and ended up at the top. They beat the Canucks last weekend while I was tapping my toes to a live Sweeney Todd show. I was so floored that they lost. I really got on the Team USA train. (I was slow to join because I thought they wouldn't pose much of a threat to Canada. My only hope for these 2010 games was that Canada would not win the gold. I thought team USA's only hope was Ryan Miller--and I don't blame him, not at all. He is wonderful. And the Capitals have to play Buffalo on Wednesday as their first game back. Ugh) Then my Russians lost horribly. But it was ok because Sweden (with Capital Niklas Backstrom, swoon) was still around. Then Sweden lost, the SLOVAKS!

The Slovaks almost beat Canada on Friday. Almost. Poor Jurcina and Halak were so sad. And I was too. Because if Canada went up against Team USA there was a chance Canada would win the gold. And if you've been following, that was what I didn't want more than anything.

But that life ruiner Sidney Crosby had to go and ruin that. Even after Zack Parise scored a goal that took USA into overtime. Fuck Cindy Cosby. I hate that guy.

Why? Because he is that girl in high school who got whatever she wanted. He is Casey Kemp. "Wah, I fell asleep driving because I had been cheerleading to much and I love god and all the boys love me." Nothing bad ever happens to him. He already won the fucking Stanley Cup (hah, look at that link. What a fag.) Now he gets to be a Canadian Hero. Going down in the annals of history with all those other Canadian heroes, like... um, uh. Well, are there Canadian heroes?! Nah.

And while we're on the subject of Canada. Why do they have thanksgiving? What do they have to be thankful for? And on a Monday?? You don't even get a four day weekend. What the shit is that?!?!?!!

So what is the rating? (out of 10)
The rating is a 0. I am back to not watching the Olympics. Ever. And my hatred of Cindy continues.

I am even thinking of buying this.

(I am glad to have my life back though. And now that the month of February is over I can resume shopping. Some J.Crew will make me feel better. But also, I don't really care. Because it is sports. And in 9 days the Julia and Lori Birthday Extravaganza 2010 begins. Thank Jesus up in Heaven!!)

Oh, and this too ;)


sickboy said...

Hmmm, but what a game.

At least you can play and watch Ice Hockey, I have to put up with watching the Bristol Pitbulls on the few occassions I can bother me ass to attend the most awful venue in the history of sport. The Rest Rooms (we say toilets :) of your stadia are probably better.

The Bob and Abe Show said...

I'll refrain from any comment on your hatred of The Kyd (as I did on the show, btw, you're welcome).

Beyond that, you and Christopher Hitchens have similar feelings on the level of faggotry inherent to Olympic competition and expenditure. Totally worth a read, here:


The Bob and Abe Show said...

If it makes you feel any better, Ryan 'five hole' Miller got a bigger standing ovation than Sidney Crosby, in PITTSBURGH!

That must've been awkward.



p.s. as much as you dislike crosby, at least he doesn't hold your favorite team hostage, like that trojan horse Peyton Manning does mine.

this is not a joke said...

Sickboy--It was quite a game. It would have been much more satisfying for me if the US had won. Or better if the devil didn't score the winning goal. But, what are ya gonna do?
I'd totally love to see the Bristol Pitbulls. That sounds like a riot.

Bob--I appreciate very much the refraining from commenting of cindy's win. Especially considering while I was listening to the show I had to see that fucker's face on the front of express and his stupid cheering on everyone's sports page while I was on the metro. Eff that guy. I will look at Hitchens...If he and I are on the same page I am clearly getting smarter. I credit that exclusively to the Bob and Abe Show!

Abe--I am glad. Because at least in Pittsburgh they understand that they are Americans first. Seriously. Fuck that guy! Even last night when the Caps played the Sabres I had a hard time wanting my team to score on Miller. There was a bit of a mental block up. But we won, but I still feel bad for Miller. But not that bad.
I don't understand what you are talking about regarding Payton Manning. You'll have to explain later.